The Pitters' Place

It's not just creepy, but also weirdly disappointing .

Thinking about my youth group days made me remember an older girl I had a heavy crush on(to be honest, every guy did), so I looked her up on facebook. She wasn't from my particular church, but she was in our youth group "network" where different youth groups from different churches would occasionally meet for various retreats and events. I remember I used to look forward to seeing her. And actually would sign up to go on certain retreats hoping to see her there. I know all the guys liked her because they all talked about it privately(I kept my feelings about her to myself). There were a couple retreats I attended where I started getting the sense that she liked me also(which I was absolutely shocked by). I was 15 and she was 17/18, and I couldn't tell if she liked me like that or if she saw me more as her little brother , but she definitely started taking an interest in me....this thoroughly confused me. There was one incident where there was some event at a hotel in the city, and she, for some inexplicable reason, grabbed my hand and we walked around the event and hallways like a couple(for a better visual for you, she was leading ). I will never forget the faces of some of the other guys as they creepily watched us from a distance(obviously very confused and very jealous). I'm still baffled by that, to this day. I don't know what she was doing. I don't know if she was trying to make the other guys jealous, I don't know if one of the other guys said something to her and so she used me to try to push him away, I don't know if she was trying to pull me out of my shell(she was a bit wild and outgoing herself, and I was a bit more reserved at retreats in particular), or if she was just being genuinely sweet. This was like 13/14 years ago, but over the years, she has randomly popped into my head every few years because of all this. And I remember her as this gorgeous, older, cool girl that baffled me.

So, I finally decide to look her up on facebook yesterday, and I don't even recognize the person I'm looking at. She's no where near as pretty(okay, I being a little harsh...she's still pretty but just looks tired/beat up....it really took me a while to recognize her face) as I'd remembered and she has three children. With the oldest looking like she's at least 12(so, she started having children just a little after the last time I saw her). She looks like a typical mom in her mid 30s. It's just so strange. It's not just her either. I looked up some guys that I haven't seen in maybe 7 or 8 years(people I knew from college that I never speak to, but are on my friend's list anyway), and some of them look like fucking dads(some of them are dads). Bald and overweight. This is particularly jarring to me because I feel like I haven't changed much. I've always had a bit of a baby-face, I still have all my hair, I'm not married with children, and I'm still skinny...and I can't imagine having a family any time soon. It's just weird to see your peers getting old...becoming the "adults" we never wanted to be, while I seem to stay the same age(humblebrag). And I'm not the only one. I have other peers and old friends who look exactly the same as they did, while other's look like they could be our parents now. So freaking weird. I guess it's also unsettling because I'm getting to that stage where I have to really start considering whether I want to have kids and start a family, and seeing some of these people remind of that anxiety. Am I lucky or am I being left behind? I hate facebook.

Yeah, I already learned not to look up old crushes on Facebook.

I think you probably shouldn't base your current life on what others from your past are doing with theirs.

I don't digging to far into my past. I have this really weird phobia of either thinking or seeing things from my past like old class mates or pictures of old classmates. I think it's a fear of mortality. When I think about times past I feel like I'm thinking of a stranger and that's kind of scary to me so I avoid trips through time if I can.

Because we have so many friends in common, I'm always seeing my ex-fiancee pop up in comments on other people's stuff. It's always weird.

I just looked up my first (as in, I was 7 years old) crush on Facebook. He grew up pretty handsome so it's gratifying to know I have good taste

aels wrote:I just looked up my first (as in, I was 7 years old) crush on Facebook. He grew up pretty handsome so it's gratifying to know I have good taste

All that proves is you had* good taste I can't find my first crush on facebook. I imagine she's long since been married and moved somewhere untraceable. My ex has a daughter and another new boyfriend. Kinda glad I dodged that train wreck tbh. As much as it'd be nice to start a family, she is the wrong person to do it with and I'd have been totes broke. Things seem to be working out for me at the moment anyway *fingers crossed*

I never really had a school crush as such. I remember having a girlfriend but it was kinda for the sake of having a girlfriend. Looked her up on facebook a while ago and she's done okay for herself. Looks about as attractive as she was then and is married. Good for her. I can't actually find her right now on facebook.

The only serious unrequited(I asked her out about 4-5 years ago) crush I've had since school, is still one of my best friends so it's not like she's someone I lost contact with and had to look up. She's also done well for herself.

To be honest though I'm pretty happy with the way things are going right now so even if I'm comparing to them it's all good.

Nice save.

Derived Absurdity wrote:Yeah, I already learned not to look up old crushes on Facebook.