The Pitters' Place

holy crap that sucked. Why did we go there? What a dumb movie. Not scary. Not interesting. No one screamed or jumped at the jump scares. That's almost as embarrassing as going to a comedy show and no one laughing at the jokes. At my theater the people always scream at the jump scares, even when they're not really scared. It was completely silent. That's how bad this movie was. Don't see it.

Oh yeah it's also racist as fuck, but whatever, no one seems to care about that.

0/10

Sounds like Brooklyn .

But Brooklyn was critically acclaimed. This was a movie the critics were right about.

It was either see this or The Revenant or The Hateful Eight. None of them were that appealing. Why do movies suck so much? Is it not allowed to have a good movie in the theater every once in a while anymore?

It should be at least 1/10 'cause of how hot Dormer is.

Derived Absurdity wrote:It was either see this or The Revenant or The Hateful Eight. None of them were that appealing. Why do movies suck so much? Is it not allowed to have a good movie in the theater every once in a while anymore?

lol

Cassius Clay wrote:It should be at least 1/10 'cause of how hot Dormer is.

Only if you're attracted to cats.




Ya know, 'cuz her face looks like a cat? Yeah.

Actually, some say she looks like a pretty miss piggy. Rude, but she does have that upturned nose thing going on. I think it's cute.

She definitely looks like the girl rabbit from space jam.

Lola Bunny. Sexiest cartoon rabbit of all time.

Does jessica rabbit count?

Hmmm....deliberating.

The 5th Wave - not quite as bad, but close. I had no idea what this movie was about at first. It wasn't too bad at the beginning, when a bunch of aliens were murdering people with waves or something, but then it just turned to some teen romance drama thing after twenty minutes. The overall conflict is a completely blatant ripoff of Animorphs. Nothing made sense. It was boring. Maika Monroe was in it, and as expected she was the only good thing about it.

2/10 'cuz Maika Monroe, who kicks Natalie Dormer's ass.

Derived Absurdity wrote:holy crap that sucked. Why did we go there? What a dumb movie. Not scary. Not interesting. No one screamed or jumped at the jump scares. That's almost as embarrassing as going to a comedy show and no one laughing at the jokes. At my theater the people always scream at the jump scares, even when they're not really scared. It was completely silent. That's how bad this movie was. Don't see it.

Oh yeah it's also racist as fuck, but whatever, no one seems to care about that.

0/10

Derived Absurdity wrote:The 5th Wave - not quite as bad, but close. I had no idea what this movie was about at first. It wasn't too bad at the beginning, when a bunch of aliens were murdering people with waves or something, but then it just turned to some teen romance drama thing after twenty minutes. The overall conflict is a completely blatant ripoff of Animorphs. Nothing made sense. It was boring. Maika Monroe was in it, and as expected she was the only good thing about it.

2/10 'cuz Maika Monroe, who kicks Natalie Dormer's ass.

This is why I don't watch horror movies. Especially those released in January. Hell, it's why I don't watch most movies released in January.

Kung Fu Panda 3 has been the only exception. And that's because it didn't want it compete with BvS & Star Wars.

I only recently learned that movies released in January have a reputation for being terrible. I don't know why.

Derived Absurdity wrote:I only recently learned that movies released in January have a reputation for being terrible. I don't know why.

It's because if you have a movie worthy of Oscar consideration you want it to be fresh in voters' minds, so you release it at the end of the year.

I guess that makes sense.

Deadpool - I don't know anything about the comic book character, so that might bias me a little. I don't know, it was funny, I guess. I mean, it was what you would expect. One thing I didn't expect was how trite and generic it turned out to be - beneath all the crudeness and the meta-humor and the self-awareness is a completely boring and generic love story, complete with a completely boring and generic climax with mostly boring and generic characters. I mean, Deadpool likes to poke fun at itself, but it never mentioned or acknowledged how banal and trite the overall narrative is. It seemed to me the cleverness and the self-awareness was attempting to mask a story that's hackneyed and conventional... which is disappointing.

It wasn't even that violent, really. Most of the violence happens at the beginning. By the end it's just standard superhero stuff.

The humor and the message wasn't as sexist as I was expecting, though, so that's a plus.

I don't know, it could have been better.

4/10

What was the last movie you actually enjoyed?

The Last Airbender

Derived Absurdity wrote:The Last Airbender

I meant in theaters as a legitimately good movie (and you can't be serious unless you nean TLA was so bad it was funny, & even then it wasn't)

I enjoyed Star Wars, because it didn't suck. Well, some people thought it did, but it was a good experience.

And I watch a lot of movies at home, and I enjoy many of them. I only really bother to mention movies here I've seen in the theaters, because if they turn out to suck I get extra annoyed, because going to the theaters is fucking expensive.

Derived Absurdity wrote:And I watch a lot of movies at home, and I enjoy many of them. I only really bother to mention movies here I've seen in the theaters, because if they turn out to suck I get extra annoyed, because going to the theaters is fucking expensive.

See, this is why you get regarded as a hipster. We only ever see the ratings of movies you hate, and they tend to be movies everyone loved (except for the rare Mad Max or Star Wars).

And also Nightcrawler. And Two Days, One Night. And Whiplash. And Synecdoche, New York. And The Guest. And Ex Machina. And How To Train Your Dragon. And The Good Dinosaur. And Inglorious Basterds. And about a dozen other movies on this board alone. But okay, I see your point.

Derived Absurdity wrote:And also Nightcrawler. And Two Days, One Night. And Whiplash. And Synecdoche, New York. And The Guest. And Ex Machina. And How To Train Your Dragon. And The Good Dinosaur. And Inglorious Basterds. And about a dozen other movies on this board alone. But okay, I see your point.

You lost all credibility with The Good Dinosaur.

It was highly misunderstood.

Derived Absurdity wrote:It was highly misunderstood.

And Inside Out was highly misunderstood by you .

Um, what did I misunderstand about it?

Derived Absurdity wrote:Um, what did I misunderstand about it?

I was only kidding, but...

It works perfectly fine as a metaphor, just so long as you don't think the metaphor is saying emotions are like little people inside your head controlling everything you do.

Oh. Well, maybe. I don't really remember much of it now.

This scene came to mind for some reason.

I couldn't pay much attention to that clip, cuz I was distracted.

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl - a solid indie quirky coming-of-age teen drama thing. It was fun. Not enough emotion. I didn't cry. It was okay, but I'm probably not going to remember it in a week.

5/10

Derived Absurdity wrote:Me and Earl and the Dying Girl - a solid indie quirky coming-of-age teen drama thing. It was fun. Not enough emotion. I didn't cry. It was okay, but I'm probably not going to remember it in a week.

5/10

You have no soul.

I didn't cry either, though, I don't think, but I've cried at dumber movies, so that doesn't mean shit. I cried at The Fault in Our Stars, and that movie was lame as fuck.

I cried at Fox and the Hound. Lol

The Vicious Kind - I'm... not sure what this was supposed to be about. It's a family drama where some self-loathing red-pilled douche played by Adam Scott fucks his brother's girlfriend. Adam Scott is good in it. I don't really know what the message was. One of the themes seemed to be how we form assumptions of each other and how we form images of people based on incomplete knowledge and distorted perceptions and how disastrous it can be when those images bump up against reality. But it could have been executed better. The performances and behaviors were a bit too theatrical and ham-fisted for most of it to ring true. Also, Brittany Snow.

4/10

Housebound - A horror comedy that's actually funny. A lot better than You're Next. I probably liked it so much because I didn't know what it was and it turned out to be funny, as well as sort of creepy. It struck a pretty good balance between the two.

6.5/10

10 Cloverfield Lane - It was good. It had absolutely nothing to do with Cloverfield at all, so the marketing was clearly dishonest. It's an effective indie-in-everything-but-name thriller with good acting and an extremely tight script. Most of the movie takes place in a bunker, but the cinematography and pacing provides it with enough mood that it keeps changing and you're never bored with being in the same place all the time. You're basically put on a see-saw for the first hour - first you think John Goodman is evil, then you think he's good, then he's evil, then he's good, and so on and so on, rinse and repeat for about the whole movie. The finale has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie either structurally or thematically and I'm pretty sure it was stuck in there only after they realized they wanted this movie to be at least vaguely connected to Cloverfield in some way. It didn't really work. But the rest was good.

6/10

Derived Absurdity wrote:10 Cloverfield Lane - It was good. It had absolutely nothing to do with Cloverfield at all, so the marketing was clearly dishonest. It's an effective indie-in-everything-but-name thriller with good acting and an extremely tight script. Most of the movie takes place in a bunker, but the cinematography and pacing provides it with enough mood that it keeps changing and you're never bored with being in the same place all the time. You're basically put on a see-saw for the first hour - first you think John Goodman is evil, then you think he's good, then he's evil, then he's good, and so on and so on, rinse and repeat for about the whole movie. The finale has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie either structurally or thematically and I'm pretty sure it was stuck in there only after they realized they wanted this movie to be at least vaguely connected to Cloverfield in some way. It didn't really work. But the rest was good.

6/10

I definitely agree the connecting thread to the previous movie wasn't necessary.

Wolf Creek - um... that was it? Really? That was what all the horror and revulsion was about? Huh. It seemed like just another fairly standard horror movie to me. Not particularly scary or gruesome. I was expecting something disgusting, instead what I got was pretty bland. It wasn't even all that exploitative. What's the big deal?

4/10

London Has Fallen - just... just... lol

0/10

Derived Absurdity wrote:London Has Fallen - just... just... lol

0/10

Man, I thought you just had sh!t taste in movies, but it looks like you're also drawn to shitty ones like a moth to a flame.

Yeah, still don't get why I have shit taste in movies. But ok.

Derived Absurdity wrote:Yeah, still don't get why I have shit taste in movies. But ok.

Mainly becaude that's become the running joke here.

Oh.

oh well

Adventureland - yeah, I like this movie. Sue me.

8/10

Here Comes the Devil - this was fucking great. 8/10

The Jungle Book - yeah this was pretty much a ten out of ten. It was one of the best experiences at the theater I've had in a long time. Almost everything about this movie was really really really good. The visuals were spectacular, the action and suspense was intense, the pacing and tone were perfect, the voice actors were fantastic, and the soundtrack was amazing. Everything just worked, really well. I saw it yesterday and I'm still thinking about it. Man I love watching movies that are good. This is why you go to the theater, people.

The one weak point was the kid who played Mowgli. He sucked. That was too bad. You get used to it, but I'm wondering why they couldn't have picked a kid less terrible.

So maybe in reality it's an eight or nine out of ten but I'm still in an afterglow so in reality it's a ten out of ten.

Green Room - pretty good. It was tense, the script was tight, the pacing was quick, I really liked the aesthetic. The violence was realistic and understated. It's being praised for its intelligent and realistic script but I'm pretty sure there would be bad things I would notice if I saw it again. Needed more characterization. A lot of it felt somewhat bland. I was sort of underwhelmed after all the hype but it's still a good movie.

6/10