Damnit! I almost had a chance to shoot a fool.

[CashRules]

So Tuesday my mom hired some idiot to paint the inside of her house because her preacher told her this guy was trustworthy. He showed up with some woman helping him and my mom said that woman looked weird. My niece who was there at the time said the woman was a methhead on the verge of tweaking and this is the kind of thing she would know. But then my niece had to leave and then my mom, who already thought something was odd, came up with the bright idea of leaving so that the painters were the only two people in the house. By the time my mom came home they were packing up and getting ready to leave. After they had gone my mom noticed that two of her guns were missing, an old .22 revolver and a .32 ACP.

So my mom called me and I went by to double-check and make sure she hadn't just misplaced the guns. After assuring myself they had been stolen I asked my mom if she wanted to report it to the cops. She said "I don't have to deal with a trial and my guns being kept in evidence for six months."

"Then what do you want me to do mom?"

"Could you just kill them and get my guns back?" (she was almost joking when she said this...almost)

"I could do that mom, but I think there might be better ways."

"Well how much do you think those guns are worth anyway/"

"They'd get about sixty dollars at a pawn shop."

"Well are you sure they won't use them to rob or kill somebody?"

"No mom, I can't be sure of that but more than likely they'll pawn the guns for drugs, {niece #2} already said the woman looked like a methhead."

"How does she know what a methhead looks like anyway?"

Niece number 1: "Because she's a methhead, grandma. They recognize their own kind, like lesbians."

So while my mom is learning about methheads and lesbians from her granddaughter I decided to just call the thief and tell him to bring the guns back before my mom actually did convince somebody to kill him. I could tell he didn't realize how much trouble he had started and he was mumbling incoherently when he hung up. Then I got worried I might have to kill someone before the day was over and I just wasn't in a killing mood so I decided to call the Sheriff's department. They sent out a deputy who finally got the whole story in between my mom deciding which of her kids or grandkids to send to execute these people and one granddaughter volunteering for the mission. The deputy then called the thief himself. The guy hung up on him but by this time was so frightened he called back ten minutes later and told my mom he put the guns in a bag and stuffed it behind the toilet of the men's room of a nearby gas station. The deputy went there and sure enough both guns were there. He brought them back to my mom and asked her if she wanted to press charges. She said she just wanted her guns back and wasn't going to deal with all that just for them to get probation. The deputy then told her that she probably didn't need to worry anyway since the guy seemed to be afraid of me. My mom said "It's not my son they need to be afraid of, it's my granddaughters."

So, in the end neither I nor the LAT shot anybody. We never even got to point a gun at anybody, but it was still a fun and rewarding adventure. Also, it was nice to meet a cop who didn't try to shoot a minority just because she was holding a gun. He knew he'd lose.

[Monk]

Damn, good story. Glad you called the Sheriff's dept.

[Pope Bucky]

You can always shoot them later.

On principle.