The Pitters' Place

I'm going to this birthday party for a woman I haven't met yet (it's part of a Meetup.com group event, not to be confused with Meetme, & she invited us as part of her b-day celebration to a restaurant)

I'm in bit of a conundrum. Proper etiquette I've been told is to have a gift & flowers were a suggestion (I would have gone alcohol but no idea if she drinks). I picked a small group of red tulips (4) which are designed to grow in water in the container they come in. I picked them out of sheer practicality (small container, easy to carry out, easy to take care of) and they match to a color I saw on her profile pic. The issue is red I'm just now discovering is a nigh universal color for romantic love when it comes to flowers (thought it was just roses). Not exactly the message I want to send to a stranger/new acquaintance.

Should I ignore the symbolism and just go with it as it's a color she likes or find a different color she may not like but has a m.ore platonic meaning?

That's a tough one really. I'd lean towards giving the flowers; common conventions aren't universal truths. But indeed there is a risk of making her feel uncomfortable with it. Just not sure if it's a big enough risk to really worry about.

Gendo wrote:That's a tough one really. I'd lean towards giving the flowers; common conventions aren't universal truths. But indeed there is a risk of making her feel uncomfortable with it. Just not sure if it's a big enough risk to really worry about.

It may very well be my shy side not wanting to be awkward by making her feel awkward (damn empathy working against me).

I will say I brought the flowers into the office so the lighting & temperatur is a little more under control (don't need them withering in the sun while in my car). Though I have noticed I must still be allergic to them. The things we suffer through to try and be polite & charming .

I wouldn't assume that red tulips meant someone wanted to date me but then I am a social idiot who doesn't know how you romance. I'd cover it with something self-deprecating like 'I'm not sure if you like flowers and they only had them in red, I'm afraid!' which means that a) you don't have to bother buying new flowers, b) you appreciate that she may not be a fan of flowers, and c) she knows you're not trying to bang her and are simply suffering under the yoke of an insufficiently well-stocked retailer. That's the British way, cover any potential social gaffes with endless, self-flagellating apology.

aels wrote:I wouldn't assume that red tulips meant someone wanted to date me but then I am a social idiot who doesn't know how you romance. I'd cover it with something self-deprecating like 'I'm not sure if you like flowers and they only had them in red, I'm afraid!' which means that a) you don't have to bother buying new flowers, b) you appreciate that she may not be a fan of flowers, and c) she knows you're not trying to bang her and are simply suffering under the yoke of an insufficiently well-stocked retailer. That's the British way, cover any potential social gaffes with endless, self-flagellating apology.

The American way is more self-deprecating "I don't know if you like flowers so I got you ones in the most awkward color for this situation. At least they're not roses".

I would give her the flowers and say that "someone told you" (sounds a lot better than saying you cyber-stalked her) that she liked red. That explains the colour choice and makes it reasonably clear that there isn't meant to be any underlying symbolism behind it.

Bad news and good news.

Bad news: I bought flowers to a birthday party in which the honoree said not to bring gifts before I knew of the request.

Good news: I'm about to get some dutch windows...by adding the tulips to my windowsill.