Trump's Greatest Quotes

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Mon May 01, 2017 7:41 pm

It's about time we started this. No one shapes sentences the way he does; he is the most unintentionally hilarious person who ever lived and it's about time that's recognized. Here's some to start.

1) “I'm speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I've said a lot of things."

2) "I know words. I have the best words."

3) "Sorry folks, I'm just not a fan of sharks - and don't worry, they will be around long after we are gone."

4) "Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure,it's not your fault"

5) "@cher--I don't wear a “rug"—it's mine. And I promise not to talk about your massive plastic surgeries that didn't work."

6) "I am very proud now that we have a museum on the National Mall where people can learn about Reverend King, so many other things, Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who's done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice."

7) "You know what uranium is, right? It's this thing called nuclear weapons and other things, like lots of things are done with uranium. Including some bad things. But nobody talks about that."

And the latest one, which spurred this:

8) "People don't realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why?"

Raxivace · Post by **Raxivace** » Mon May 01, 2017 9:28 pm

That day he found out Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and just had to let everyone know was equally hilarious and tragic.

CashRules · Post by **CashRules** » Tue May 02, 2017 12:52 am

"I don't stand by anything."

BruceSmith78 · Post by **BruceSmith78** » Tue May 02, 2017 3:01 am

"I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard. I would have hit them. No, no. I was going to hit them, I was all set and then I got a call from a highly respected governor... I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy."

BruceSmith78 · Post by **BruceSmith78** » Tue May 02, 2017 3:11 am

"The beauty of me is that I'm very rich."

CashRules · Post by **CashRules** » Tue May 02, 2017 3:23 am

"A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate."

“You know, it really doesn't matter what the media write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass."

BruceSmith78 · Post by **BruceSmith78** » Tue May 02, 2017 3:24 am

"I have a great relationship with the blacks."

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Tue May 02, 2017 4:06 pm

https://twitter.com/kalebhorton/status/ ... 7695956992" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

CashRules · Post by **CashRules** » Tue May 02, 2017 4:15 pm

What? There's nobody out there.

BruceSmith78 · Post by **BruceSmith78** » Tue May 02, 2017 5:36 pm

Lol, this person summed up my take on that one:

Replying to @kalebhorton
I can't even begin to understand what he wants to mean. There's no one in the oval coming to find him hiding in corners?

CashRules · Post by **CashRules** » Tue May 02, 2017 5:47 pm

The best quote about the Trump situation actually came from George W. Bush:

"That was some weird shit."

the_dork_lord · Post by **the_dork_lord** » Fri May 05, 2017 11:05 pm

https://medium.com/@jhermann/who-said-i ... 50d02cc0f8" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

maz89 · Post by **maz89** » Sun May 07, 2017 11:20 am

Man, these are all golden.

maz89 · Post by **maz89** » Sat May 13, 2017 10:47 pm

Here's another one:

On the "priming the pump" metaphor - "Have you heard that expression used before? Because I haven't heard it. I mean, I just... I came up with it a couple of days ago and I thought it was good."

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:43 am

We're not done, people.

https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/893099210668638208" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:44 am

lol

https://twitter.com/InternetHippo/statu ... 9481844736" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

The Creep · Post by **The Creep** » Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:01 pm

"...and it's gonna be great."

Cassius Clay · Post by **Cassius Clay** » Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:58 pm

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Wed Aug 09, 2017 1:53 pm

Folks, I have the best fury. A lot of people are saying that my fire and fury top anything they've ever seen. Obama had very weak fury. Very weak. I will bring back our fire and fury, just watch.

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Sun Aug 13, 2017 12:39 pm

"We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence on many sides"

"ON MANY SIDES"

What an unbelievable pile of shit. Not surprising at all but just because it's predictable doesn't mean it isn't horrifyingly disgusting. Repulsive hideous dumpster fire of a person.

Raxivace · Post by **Raxivace** » Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:34 pm

It's ridiculous that the President of the United States is soft on white fuckin' supremacy.

"On many sides" jesus fuckin' christ.

Raxivace · Post by **Raxivace** » Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:36 pm

https://www.gofundme.com/united-cville-victim-relief

Link for anyone that wants to donate some money to the victims of the Nazi attack.

Cassius Clay · Post by **Cassius Clay** » Sun Aug 13, 2017 7:14 pm

Best regards

CashRules · Post by **CashRules** » Mon Aug 14, 2017 1:44 am

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Wed Aug 16, 2017 4:32 am

Why the fuck hasn't someone assassinated this asshole yet? Jesus Christ.

Anakin McFly · Post by **Anakin McFly** » Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:24 am

insert entire press conference here

i am in awe of it

Anakin McFly · Post by **Anakin McFly** » Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:35 am

"The statement I made on Saturday, the first statement, was a fine statement. But you don't make statements that direct unless you know the fact. It takes a little while to get the facts. You still don't know the facts, and it's a very, very important process to me, and it's a very important statement, so I don't want to go quickly and just make a statement for the sake of making a political statement. I want to know the facts. ... When I make a statement, I like to be correct. I want the facts. This event just happened. In fact, a lot of the event didn't even happen yet, as we were speaking. This event just happened. Before I make a statement, I need the facts, so I don't want to rush into a statement. So, making the statement when I made it was excellent. ... Because I want to make sure, when I make a statement that the statement is correct, and there was no way — there was no way of making a correct statement that early. I had to see the facts, unlike a lot of reporters — unlike a lot of reporters. I know, David Duke was there. I wanted to see the facts, and the facts as they started coming out were very well-stated. In fact, everybody said his statement was beautiful. If he would have made it sooner, that would have been good. I couldn't have made it sooner because I didn't know all of the facts. Frankly, people still don't know all of the facts. It was very important — excuse me, excuse me. It was very important to me to get the facts out and correctly, because if I would have made a fast statement — and the first statement was made without knowing much other than what we were seeing. The second statement was made with knowledge, with great knowledge. There's still things — excuse me, there's still things that people don't know. I want to make a statement with knowledge. I wanted to know the facts. Okay."

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Wed Aug 16, 2017 1:17 pm

holy christ

I don't even have any words right now

Anakin McFly · Post by **Anakin McFly** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 1:15 am

but do you have facts

Boomer · Post by **Boomer** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 1:22 am

https://twitter.com/bromanconsul/status ... 2768163840

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 1:30 am

Also amazing that he doesn't like losers.

Boomer · Post by **Boomer** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 2:28 am

Whoops meant to post that in tweet of the week, but you get the gist.

CashRules · Post by **CashRules** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 7:21 am

Derived Absurdity wrote:Why the fuck hasn't someone assassinated this asshole yet? Jesus Christ.

One word: Pence. At least with Trump we get an unintentionally hilarious Nazi parody. With Pence we'd get 100% full-fledged Nazi. Pence would do things that would make Hitler say "Okay, I burned millions of Jews, Gypsies, Socialists and disabled people but you are going too damn far."

Anakin McFly · Post by **Anakin McFly** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 2:58 am

yep.

With Trump, at least we'll die entertained. With Pence we'll just die.

Post by **Gendo** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 5:38 am

While I think I understand most of the concerns/complaints about Pence, they all seem to me to be things that pretty much any republican would believe/do. What reasons are there for thinking he's worse than any other republican?

Raxivace · Post by **Raxivace** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:07 am

Gendo wrote:While I think I understand most of the concerns/complaints about Pence, they all seem to me to be things that pretty much any republican would believe/do. What reasons are there for thinking he's worse than any other republican?

He advocated for gay conversion therapy, which is unusual (To say nothing of how morally indefensible it is) even for Republicans, and they're not exactly friends to the LGBT community to begin with.

I had to live under Pence's governorship of Indiana for several years. We all hated him there. His approval ratings were low for a reason. He's fuckin' garbage.

Anakin McFly · Post by **Anakin McFly** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:23 am

What reasons are there for thinking he's worse than any other republican?

The things he's said display a very rigid, black and white view of the world and morality, and personally he scares me more than most other Republicans do, who usually have more room for nuance and listening to people. Pence seems extremely fixed in his beliefs.

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 1:11 pm

I honestly don't remember if I've ever posted this one, but... lol

You would think these would stop getting funny at some point, but nope.

http://theweek.com/speedreads/681605/tr ... t-not-good" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Fri Sep 22, 2017 8:11 pm

https://twitter.com/AynRandPaulRyan/sta ... 7806409728" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

CashRules · Post by **CashRules** » Fri Sep 22, 2017 10:10 pm

She'll be there next time.

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Thu Sep 28, 2017 6:30 pm

lmao

https://twitter.com/nycsouthpaw/status/ ... 4662543361" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Boomer · Post by **Boomer** » Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:26 pm

"Trump on Puerto Rico response: "This is an island. Surrounded by water. Big water. Ocean water." (via CBS)"

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:02 am

lmao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R42mFx3_ss&app=desktop" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:11 am

LMAO WHAT THE FUCK!!

http://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-oj ... med-675120" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Post by **Gendo** » Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:32 am

Derived Absurdity wrote:LMAO WHAT THE FUCK!!

http://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-oj ... med-675120" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Are you 100% sure that he did it?

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Sun Oct 08, 2017 6:59 pm

Not sure I posted this, but a classic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvFa4BP7AV0" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Sun Oct 08, 2017 7:09 pm

what the fucking fuck

https://i.redd.it/ke6m2ti17mqz.png" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

CashRules · Post by **CashRules** » Fri Oct 13, 2017 6:48 pm

"I talked to the President of the U.S. Virgin Islands."

I actually don't doubt this one and it explains, well...everything.

Derived Absurdity · Post by **Derived Absurdity** » Fri Oct 13, 2017 8:17 pm

https://i.imgur.com/jBAKNac.png" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Anakin McFly · Post by **Anakin McFly** » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:47 am

Trump on Xi: “People say we have the best relationship of any president-president, because he's called president also. Now some people might call him the king of China. But he's called president."

https://twitter.com/NatashaBertrand/sta ... 0623596544