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Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 7:41 pm
by Derived Absurdity
It's about time we started this. No one shapes sentences the way he does; he is the most unintentionally hilarious person who ever lived and it's about time that's recognized. Here's some to start.
1) “I'm speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I've said a lot of things."
2) "I know words. I have the best words."
3) "Sorry folks, I'm just not a fan of sharks - and don't worry, they will be around long after we are gone."
4) "Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure,it's not your fault"
5) "@cher--I don't wear a “rug"—it's mine. And I promise not to talk about your massive plastic surgeries that didn't work."
6) "I am very proud now that we have a museum on the National Mall where people can learn about Reverend King, so many other things, Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who's done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice."
7) "You know what uranium is, right? It's this thing called nuclear weapons and other things, like lots of things are done with uranium. Including some bad things. But nobody talks about that."
And the latest one, which spurred this:
8) "People don't realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why?"
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 9:28 pm
by Raxivace
That day he found out Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and just had to let everyone know was equally hilarious and tragic.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue May 02, 2017 12:52 am
by CashRules
"I don't stand by anything."
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue May 02, 2017 3:01 am
by BruceSmith78
"I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard. I would have hit them. No, no. I was going to hit them, I was all set and then I got a call from a highly respected governor... I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy."
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue May 02, 2017 3:11 am
by BruceSmith78
"The beauty of me is that I'm very rich."
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue May 02, 2017 3:23 am
by CashRules
"A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate."
“You know, it really doesn't matter what the media write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass."
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue May 02, 2017 3:24 am
by BruceSmith78
"I have a great relationship with the blacks."
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue May 02, 2017 4:06 pm
by Derived Absurdity
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue May 02, 2017 4:15 pm
by CashRules
What? There's nobody out there.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue May 02, 2017 5:36 pm
by BruceSmith78
Lol, this person summed up my take on that one:
Replying to @kalebhorton
I can't even begin to understand what he wants to mean. There's no one in the oval coming to find him hiding in corners?
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue May 02, 2017 5:47 pm
by CashRules
The best quote about the Trump situation actually came from George W. Bush:
"That was some weird shit."
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri May 05, 2017 11:05 pm
by the_dork_lord
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Sun May 07, 2017 11:20 am
by maz89
Man, these are all golden.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Sat May 13, 2017 10:47 pm
by maz89
Here's another one:
On the "priming the pump" metaphor - "Have you heard that expression used before? Because I haven't heard it. I mean, I just... I came up with it a couple of days ago and I thought it was good."
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:43 am
by Derived Absurdity
We're not done, people.
https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/893099210668638208" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:44 am
by Derived Absurdity
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:01 pm
by The Creep
"...and it's gonna be great."
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:58 pm
by Cassius Clay
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 1:53 pm
by Derived Absurdity
Folks, I have the best fury. A lot of people are saying that my fire and fury top anything they've ever seen. Obama had very weak fury. Very weak. I will bring back our fire and fury, just watch.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 12:39 pm
by Derived Absurdity
"We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence on many sides"
"ON MANY SIDES"
What an unbelievable pile of shit. Not surprising at all but just because it's predictable doesn't mean it isn't horrifyingly disgusting. Repulsive hideous dumpster fire of a person.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:34 pm
by Raxivace
It's ridiculous that the President of the United States is soft on white fuckin' supremacy.
"On many sides" jesus fuckin' christ.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:36 pm
by Raxivace
https://www.gofundme.com/united-cville-victim-relief
Link for anyone that wants to donate some money to the victims of the Nazi attack.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 7:14 pm
by Cassius Clay
Best regards
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 1:44 am
by CashRules
Sad.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2017 4:32 am
by Derived Absurdity
Why the fuck hasn't someone assassinated this asshole yet? Jesus Christ.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:24 am
by Anakin McFly
insert entire press conference here
i am in awe of it
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:35 am
by Anakin McFly
"The statement I made on Saturday, the first statement, was a fine statement. But you don't make statements that direct unless you know the fact. It takes a little while to get the facts. You still don't know the facts, and it's a very, very important process to me, and it's a very important statement, so I don't want to go quickly and just make a statement for the sake of making a political statement. I want to know the facts. ... When I make a statement, I like to be correct. I want the facts. This event just happened. In fact, a lot of the event didn't even happen yet, as we were speaking. This event just happened. Before I make a statement, I need the facts, so I don't want to rush into a statement. So, making the statement when I made it was excellent. ... Because I want to make sure, when I make a statement that the statement is correct, and there was no way — there was no way of making a correct statement that early. I had to see the facts, unlike a lot of reporters — unlike a lot of reporters. I know, David Duke was there. I wanted to see the facts, and the facts as they started coming out were very well-stated. In fact, everybody said his statement was beautiful. If he would have made it sooner, that would have been good. I couldn't have made it sooner because I didn't know all of the facts. Frankly, people still don't know all of the facts. It was very important — excuse me, excuse me. It was very important to me to get the facts out and correctly, because if I would have made a fast statement — and the first statement was made without knowing much other than what we were seeing. The second statement was made with knowledge, with great knowledge. There's still things — excuse me, there's still things that people don't know. I want to make a statement with knowledge. I wanted to know the facts. Okay."
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2017 1:17 pm
by Derived Absurdity
holy christ
I don't even have any words right now
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 1:15 am
by Anakin McFly
but do you have facts
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 1:22 am
by Boomer
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 1:30 am
by Derived Absurdity
Also amazing that he doesn't like losers.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 2:28 am
by Boomer
Whoops meant to post that in tweet of the week, but you get the gist.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 7:21 am
by CashRules
Derived Absurdity wrote:Why the fuck hasn't someone assassinated this asshole yet? Jesus Christ.
One word: Pence. At least with Trump we get an unintentionally hilarious Nazi parody. With Pence we'd get 100% full-fledged Nazi. Pence would do things that would make Hitler say "Okay, I burned millions of Jews, Gypsies, Socialists and disabled people but you are going too damn far."
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2017 2:58 am
by Anakin McFly
yep.
With Trump, at least we'll die entertained. With Pence we'll just die.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2017 5:38 am
by Gendo
While I think I understand most of the concerns/complaints about Pence, they all seem to me to be things that pretty much any republican would believe/do. What reasons are there for thinking he's worse than any other republican?
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:07 am
by Raxivace
Gendo wrote:While I think I understand most of the concerns/complaints about Pence, they all seem to me to be things that pretty much any republican would believe/do. What reasons are there for thinking he's worse than any other republican?
He advocated for gay conversion therapy, which is unusual (To say nothing of how morally indefensible it is) even for Republicans, and they're not exactly friends to the LGBT community to begin with.
I had to live under Pence's governorship of Indiana for several years. We all hated him there. His approval ratings were low for a reason. He's fuckin' garbage.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:23 am
by Anakin McFly
What reasons are there for thinking he's worse than any other republican?
The things he's said display a very rigid, black and white view of the world and morality, and personally he scares me more than most other Republicans do, who usually have more room for nuance and listening to people. Pence seems extremely fixed in his beliefs.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2017 1:11 pm
by Derived Absurdity
I honestly don't remember if I've ever posted this one, but... lol
You would think these would stop getting funny at some point, but nope.
http://theweek.com/speedreads/681605/tr ... t-not-good" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2017 8:11 pm
by Derived Absurdity
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2017 10:10 pm
by CashRules
She'll be there next time.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2017 6:30 pm
by Derived Absurdity
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:26 pm
by Boomer
"Trump on Puerto Rico response: "This is an island. Surrounded by water. Big water. Ocean water." (via CBS)"
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:02 am
by Derived Absurdity
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:11 am
by Derived Absurdity
LMAO WHAT THE FUCK!!
http://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-oj ... med-675120" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2017 4:32 am
by Gendo
Are you 100% sure that he did it?
![none [none]](./images/smilies/none.gif)
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2017 6:59 pm
by Derived Absurdity
Not sure I posted this, but a classic:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvFa4BP7AV0" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2017 7:09 pm
by Derived Absurdity
what the fucking fuck
https://i.redd.it/ke6m2ti17mqz.png" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2017 6:48 pm
by CashRules
"I talked to the President of the U.S. Virgin Islands."
I actually don't doubt this one and it explains, well...everything.
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2017 8:17 pm
by Derived Absurdity
https://i.imgur.com/jBAKNac.png" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Re: Trump's Greatest Quotes
Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:47 am
by Anakin McFly
Trump on Xi: “People say we have the best relationship of any president-president, because he's called president also. Now some people might call him the king of China. But he's called president."
https://twitter.com/NatashaBertrand/sta ... 0623596544