There was a flying cockroach in my bedroom last night

[Anakin McFly]

I spent about an hour trying to murder it or chase it out the window but it wouldn't stay still and it's incredibly difficult to whack a flying cockroach. Then it would go hide somewhere and I'd think it was gone, only for it to pop up again and surprise me.

And then it was 2am and I decided to give up and go sleep on the couch. But then I got mad that a cockroach had chased me out of my own room, so I went back. Also it's July and this is the equator and air conditioning was necessary, which meant I had to close the door, and therefore I spent all night trapped in a room with a flying cockroach and thinking about that woman who had a cockroach crawl up her nose and nest in her skull. I hear that some cockroaches only fly when they're pregnant, which meant there was a non-zero probability that this cockroach might crawl up my nose and lay eggs in my skull.

It's the bravest thing I've ever done and I needed to share.

I still have no idea if it's still there.

[CashRules]

You need to burn down the house just to be sure.

[Anakin McFly]

It's an apartment, but the neighbors should understand.

Also today I found a dead baby cockroach in my closet. My room is fastidiously neat. I don't know what they're doing here. Unless they're after food, because I learnt that cockroaches sometimes eat the flesh of living humans.

[phe_de]

I once lived in a student dormitory with cockroaches in it, and the owners then had cockroach traps installed in every room. They worked; after the installation the cockroaches became less, and I never had a problem with cockroaches in my skull or food.

Another story from that time (before the traps were installed): I once saw a cockroach crawl on a kitchen desk, and debated internally whether to kill it or not. I wasn't atheist at the time and prayed to God for guidance.
And then, the heavens opened up, the cherubs played on their trumpets, and God said in a booming voice:

COCKROACHES ARE NOT MORE HARMFUL THAN HUMANS!

...ok, this last bit is an artistic embellishment on my part. What really happened was: The cockroach changed its walking direction and walked towards a dirty puddle on the desk, which I hadn't noticed before, which was obviously caused by humans, and which was bigger than any cockroach excrement could have been. I interpreted this as cockroaches not causing more damage than humans.

I let the cockroach live, and have not killed one since.

[CashRules]

It's an apartment, but the neighbors should understand.

The bigger the fire, the bigger the party.

[Anakin McFly]

@phe_de - I'd have preferred if the cockroach had just flown out the window (or even just out of my room), since murder is usually a last resort. (Especially since if they're pregnant the eggs/baby cockroaches will apparently sploosh everywhere.) Tbh I was primarily worried about it crawling over / into my face while I slept, rather than the damage it causes, which I agree is nothing compared to what humans do; although they also spread dangerous germs that's not good around food.

I also remember doctors saying that it's actually quite common to see patients with cockroaches that crawled into their ears. It would be terrifying enough if it were rare.

[Derived Absurdity]

this thread is giving me cancer

[BruceSmith78]

[youtube]https://youtube.com/watch?v=Y6KIHpHDhwE[/youtube]

[maz89]

It's not murder if you eat it.

[Anakin McFly]

But I'm definitely not going to eat it, so it's still murder.