The Pitters' Place

Someone help me make an OKCupid account : http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/ ... xaRNGyGpbR

I've found that people don't like it when other people claim they are attractive. If you are good looking and know it then you are a bitch, if you are unattractive and claim you are good looking, you are a deluded bitch. So no, you can't win.

I did that with creepy guy once when he said I was pretty and I told him "Yeah. I know." And he went "This.. is not the answer I was expecting."

The shortest period of time on record is how quickly a dude can go from telling you that you're beautiful to FUCK YOU YOU BITCH YOU AIN'T EVEN THAT HOT.

Dr_Liszt wrote:I've found that people don't like it when other people claim they are attractive. If you are good looking and know it then you are a bitch, if you are unattractive and claim you are good looking, you are a deluded bitch. So no, you can't win.

I did that with creepy guy once when he said I was pretty and I told him "Yeah. I know." And he went "This.. is not the answer I was expecting."

You're pretty.

If it wasn't awful it'd be funny how quickly things turn.

Personally I don't give compliments I don't mean and that I don't think the person would welcome.

Granted there's a way to take a compliment, if you act smug and conceited it's a bit odd(not that the women in the link did that), but simply taking a compliment isn't rude nor does it make you vain. We want everyone to be happy with themselves and believe they're beautiful, so it'd be wrong if people couldn't accept someone else saying they're beautiful without being labelled vain.

Usually when I see a beautiful woman, I assume she already knows it, so I don't bother with compliments and whatnot, just, ya know, straight into a conversation like she's a human being.

Works every time.

sikax wrote:Usually when I see a beautiful woman, I assume she already knows it, so I don't bother with compliments and whatnot, just, ya know, straight into a conversation like she's a human being.

Works every time.

That also sounds reasonable.

To be fair I barely every give out compliments except to people who matter to me, so it's a non-issue generally .

Anyway, OP, sounds like more evidence that guys (at least the type that have online dating profiles) need to be in control. Of women and their feelings.

"You are only as beautiful as we allow you to be, so when we compliment you, it isn't an objective thing that you have the right to agree with; it's me stamping you with approval. You are meant to be initially unconvinced of this approval. Show your worth, woman, by reacting in a coy and bashful manner. Do it now."

Thus is the mind of that ilk that thinks they deserve sex: "If you already know you're hot, then you probably have confidence and that means you're not insecure enough to sleep with a creepy guy like me! Grrrrr."

The 'Fuck you, you're not actually that hot!' reflex seems to be a backlash against women who don't seem to need dude approval, which I suspect is why it also gets thrown out not just when women own their foxiness but when they reject guys (i.e. 'Hey, we should go out!' 'No, thank you' 'FUCK YOU YOU'RE NOT EVEN THAT HOT'). It's logically flawed tho because if you don't care what a dude thinks of you, you doubly don't care if he thinks negatively about you. Then again, these guys are maybe not logiteers.

Anyway, OP, sounds like more evidence that guys (at least the type that have online dating profiles) need to be in control. Of women and their feelings.

I think there is a middle ground here. In context of this particular dynamic, then clearly the guys are being douches for a variety of reasons. But a compliment isn't meant to be an objective qualification of something, if it was then it would sound weird.

If I walked up to a 6 foot women and said "God, you're tall" .. then I'd expect that to be met with a "Yes, I know" because objectively, a women who is 6 foot is tall.

If I cooked a meal for someone and they said "God, this food is so good" and I responded with "yeah .. I know" .. then I sound cocky as a default depending on how familiar I am with the person giving the compliment. If that person then responded with a "fuck you, the meal wasn't THAT good" .. then sure - that's a dickish move .. I still think the best response is simply to say "Thanks" rather than reassert how awesome your consider you looks/ cooking abilities to be.

I tend to ignore comments about my looks a lot. Mainly because I've been praised about them one second just to be bullied the next. It has caused a lot of confusion in my head. So I tend to ignore them until I realize that is rude then I have to remember to say "thank you." otherwise I sound like an uneducated bastard. Which sometimes people think I am because I'm shy and cold and stuff. So yeah, in short, people tend not to like me.

I pretty much don't dole out compliments for things like looks or stuff that people just have by virtue of genetics simply because it almost always feels weird or creepy to glorify something that has little actual value as opposed to currency, and I always think that giving a compliment to a women on how they look comes over as me making a public declaration as to their worth . so I generally just don't do it.

But - if I do get a compliment whether it be for my looks or house, cooking, children etc - I pretty much always say "thankyou" simply because these things are not objective - I view it as a persons way of saying "this thing you did/ or are, is nice and I figured I'd mention that to say that I appreciate/enjoy it, but that's my experience and my reaction based on that.

I'm more likely to compliment something that someone put effort into - like say a nice meal or a nice house, than I am something that they just happen to have ..like nice eyes unless I specifically know that that person enjoys/values compliments.

Seems a cultural thing as well - at least in terms of being a man. English/Australians almost never comment on a mans looks and I suspect, comment on a womens looks much less than Americans do. Americans seem, very quick to tell you you are attractive - then again, in my experience, Americans are much more likely to just start talking to you if they don't know you than we are.

Leia: I love you.

Han: I know.

I tend to compliment hairdo's or something I feel there was some effort to it. I do compliment people on the picture threads but that's because you all are so damn sexy.

do compliment people on the picture threads but that's because you all are so damn sexy.

Yeah - well I guess that's kinda my point in a way - not that we're all so damn sexy but we've all known each other for long enuff to know that a compliment is simply that - a compliment. There's little risk of it coming off as trivialising or reductive given we understand our individual context.

Having said that tho, if someone passed a compliment on someones looks here and that person responded with "yeah .. I know" in a serious rather than joking way - that would come off as vain, Its simply not the way to treat a compliment in my books. Obviously if the person giving the compliment then responded with "Jesus Christ, you're not that good looking" then they'd come off as an even bigger douche

Well in my case the dude couldn't shut up about my looks for an entire evening, then continue the next day and I told him to stop because it was uncomfortable. THEN weeks later, he started again... so I was like "I know, right?!" That shut him up forever. I feel disgusted a little thinking about it.

But yes, I'm trying to say "Thank you" more instead of ignoring. So people don't think I'm uncivilized.

Well in my case the dude couldn't shut up about my looks for an entire evening, then continue the next day and I told him to stop because it was uncomfortable. THEN weeks later, he started again... so I was like "I know, right?!" That shut him up forever. I feel disgusted a little thinking about it.

Well - the guy sounds like a douche and I very rarely worry about sounding rude to douches