Dad Jokes

[Monk]

I'm a sucker for Dad jokes. Partly inspired by UA's post about "happy mediums"

1) I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey Once. But then I turned myself around

2) The earth's rotation really makes my day

3) How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram

4) I hate perforated lines because they're tearable

5) What do you call a computer that sings? A Dell

6) Son: Dad, I'm cold
Dad: Then go stand in the corner
Son: Why?
Dad: Because it's always 90 degrees

[thesalmonofdoubt]

I'm probably gonna use some of these

[Cassius Clay]

YOUR DAD HOLDS SO MUCH MASS THAT HE DRASTICALLY DISTORTS SPACE AND TIME!

[Unvoiced_Apollo]

Did you hear about the guy who invented life savers? They say he made a mint.

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, 'First offender?' She says, 'No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'

What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1

I asked my dad for his best joke. He said 'You'.

[Monk]

I asked my dad for his best joke. He said 'You'.

Ouch

[Unvoiced_Apollo]

A ham sandwich walks up to a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve food here"

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'"