The Pitters' Place

I'm a sucker for Dad jokes. Partly inspired by UA's post about "happy mediums"

1) I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey Once. But then I turned myself around

2) The earth's rotation really makes my day

3) How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram

4) I hate perforated lines because they're tearable

5) What do you call a computer that sings? A Dell

6) Son: Dad, I'm cold
Dad: Then go stand in the corner
Son: Why?
Dad: Because it's always 90 degrees

I'm probably gonna use some of these

YOUR DAD HOLDS SO MUCH MASS THAT HE DRASTICALLY DISTORTS SPACE AND TIME!

Did you hear about the guy who invented life savers? They say he made a mint.

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, 'First offender?' She says, 'No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'

What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1

I asked my dad for his best joke. He said 'You'.

Unvoiced_Apollo wrote:
I asked my dad for his best joke. He said 'You'.

Ouch

A ham sandwich walks up to a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve food here"

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'"